The opening ceremony for the Commonwealth Games was held this evening in Mumbai. Until about a month ago, I've never heard of this thing...the Commonwealth Games...but apparently it's a pretty big deal for all nations that were once part of the British Empire (which is, incidentally, 54 nations...I had no idea it was so many!!). From what I understand, it's a lot like the Summer Olympics, except with lawn bowls. And I think every sporting event should incorporate lawn bowls some way.

With seven years to prepare, and having spent $15.5 billion (with a budget of $210 million), it's questionable what India has to show for it. Everyday in the the Indian Express, I read about England or New Zealand or Australia nearly pulling out of the games because of the unsafe or dirty conditions of the campus.

The opening ceremonies were the same as any opening ceremonies everywhere...singing, dancing, cultural activities. Having gone so far over budget, I think they were trying to make some money by showing five minutes of the ceremony, and fifteen minutes of ads in Hindi.

And of course, in true Indian fashion, the power went out, right after an "Incredible India" advertising.

Zoe: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Indian girl: I want to be....something like a foreigner

The indefatigable rain has stopped, and has been replaced by the indefatigable heat. I'm not sure if this is the correct use of that word...indefatigable, or whether it's allowed to be used twice in one sentence.

Cake cutting:

Whenever anyone has a birthday, there is a "cake cutting." It involves an overly large, and very overly sweet cake. LIke 5 Star Chocolate, the kids love it. Unlike 5 Star Chocolate, I'm unable to avoid it. As the "guest of honor" at many a cake cutting, I often receive the largest piece of all, representing about 90% of my daily caloric requirements. I have to eat at least part of it, because it would be considered a terrible offense if I didn't. When I first ate Indian cake I could barely stomach it, but with each cake cutting ( it becomes more and more palatable. When I return, not only will I be speaking "Indian English," but I'll also be craving Indian cake!

And....the cake. It looks much more menacing in person, I promise.


You think I look excited to eat that giant piece of sugar and fat....but I'm really thinking of all the Nutella that I could be eating.


Now THAT is genuine excitement. Notice the double-handed method. Much more efficient.


After the massacre. Not even a crumb was spared.

I need to be selfish today, and make a list of things I miss.

Of course, first and foremost, all my of friends and family.

But also....

• Pegasus (!!!!!!), my bike
  
• CHEESE
• Memory foam mattress pad
  
• Portland waterfront
• Dinner parties
• Running on the OHSU hill
• Powells
  
• All of my lovely shoes and vintage clothes
  
• Experimental baking
• Real milk. And ice cream
  
• Popcorn nights
  
• Portland microbrews
• Oregon rain

In making this list, I'm forgetting what I actually miss, and what I'm just fantasizing that I miss, but never did in the first place. But it seems that most of what I miss is food, anyway....

Like....I think I miss sitting in pretentious Portland coffee shops and discussing the nuances of Russian literature. Hahaha!

I got my first sunburn today. Surviving in India for two months with no sunburn is a formidable feat, considering how few melanocytes I have.

Let me tell you about 5 Star Chocolate. That Cadbury, whom a formerly considered fairly respectable chocolate company, should put their name on a product of such poor quality, makes me very sad. There must be some "magic" ingredients in it that keep the chocolate-y, caramel-y nastiness from melting in hundred degree weather. But it's not good magic that Cadbury is using--it's black, black magic. I fear it's probably cancer causing magic. I lost a five-star chocolate "bet," and little did I know that along with the chocolate (which they all consider the best stuff in the world), I was also giving her pancreatic cancer.

Zoe: "Do you believe in Santa Claus?"

Indian boy: "Oh, yes. And do you believe in George Bush?"

(No, he was dead serious.)

Computer is kaput. In India, Apple is a fruit, so I may have problems finding someone to fix it. It's like losing a part of home, and I'm very sad....hard drive is intact, though.

Eating lunch with Indians:
I've started eating lunch with the teachers when I visit the other home on Wednesdays and Fridays. It's ridiculous for them to prepare massive amounts of "Western food" just for me. My eating "real Indian food" is a source of much amusement for them. They think I might die because the food is too "chilly" or "pungent" (I think they're referencing that there are chilis in the dish....and it just so happens that "chilly" means cold). When they asked me what kind of Indian foods I like and I referenced a street food (Pani Puri---it's delicious and I'm going to make millions opening a Pani Puri street cart in Portland), one said, "You ate Pani Puri at Daddy's Home?" "No, in the village." This was proceeded by several looks of shock, to which I replied, "Yes, I'm a brave American."
That's right. We have Obama AND we can eat spicy food. And be spread the joy of capitalism all over the world. The question is, what CAN'T we do?!


Cinema in Vijayawada:
Pros:
-Way cheap compared to American movie theaters. It doesn't cost you your first born child to buy popcorn.
-It makes the kids so, so happy to do something!
-Telugu movie (who can resist a movie with elements of action, suspense, comedy, romance AND dancing and singing?!--the only American films were scary movies that I wasn't about to watch.)

Cons:
-Goose bump inducing air conditioning (SO COLD!)
-Loud enough for Beethoven to hear, lying deaf and dead his grave.
-The finale was a man tearing off another man's leg. But is that really a con? Or just a traumatizing cinematic experience?

Ok, so here it is. My blog is officially exhumed from the semi-dead.

Now...what to write about. Always the problem.

It amazes me that the word "actor" and "actress" have been completely replaced by "hero" and "heroine" in India...or at least for these children. It also amazes me that very small children, who can barely speak English, know the word "heroine."

There was "thing" in my shower today that I think was some prehistoric lizard/grasshopper. Whatever it was, it was very scary. I have a problem killing scary things because I hate the crunching sound, and I can't bring myself to get near enough to rescue them and take them outside.

Solution? Fear every minute in the shower while it crawls around, slowly drowning in the water. I then realize that I'm a complete sadist and I feel terribly for my prehistoric friend. I mean, maybe we could've been friends! But now he's dead, and still belly-up in the shower.

I think I'll have a funeral for him tomorrow. I'll invite some children, and we'll all say a few nice words. He was a "hero"--I know it.

Ok...so perhaps this blog wasn't as mind-blowing as promised, but I have to warm up. And the death of my friend was really bothering me.

Ok, so I promise I'll write a blog tomorrow night. PROMISE. And it's going to be so good that it will BLOW YOUR MIND.

My German stomach hath not failed me. Zoe: 1, Indian microbes: 1 (not so bad....)

Let me educate you on some important phrases with which you can converse with the Indian children:

• If you headache, you say:

"My head is PAINING!!!!"

• When you think it's going to rain, you say:

"Rain is coming!"

• When you smell something particularly awful, for example, a very strong ammonia smell from a man openly urinating on the side of the street:

"Smell is coming!"

• If someone asks you how you are, always, ALWAYS:

"Fine."

Never more, never less, than "fine."

• When you first meet someone, ask their name, then directly ask the name of their mother and father.

And now, I leave you with a picture of the small boys "swimming" in the "swimming pool." How they didn't all kill each other, I don't know. Why I took them "swimming" by myself, I don't know, either, but I nearly stroked out....

I just ate Indian street food, followed by Indian street ice cream, and proceeded by holding many hands of many children, and not proceeded by hand sanitizer, for the first time. The street food was amazing. The street ice cream.....let's just say they could learn a thing or two from good ol' Umpqua Dairy.

But everyone else was doing it.

Wish my stomach luck in the coming hours.

My birthday was quite wonderful. I received some really, realllllly wonderful cards from the children at school, a new (custom made!!) punjabi, and a sari!!! Too much from all my wonderful friends!

Presents that can't be bought are sometimes the best...

When I figure out how to wear the sari, I'll post pictures... it might take a while.

I find it ever so satisfying writing on a chalkboard with chalk. The kids find it ever so amusing that I'm left-handed.

Today, in school I was without an "assistant" in my 4th grade class. Read: chaos. So, I got angry.

Yes, ZOE was angry. I yelled and they were quiet for about 27 seconds. The chaos resumed. I yelled some more. Yelling was proving ineffective.

So, I left. For about two minutes. When I was done fuming and pacing, I returned, and lectured them about respect and being quiet. They were perfect.

Instilling fear is quite a rush, I must say. I could be a hard ass if I wanted to be....

It's been quite hot lately. HOT. Until the heavens pour. It's cool for about ten minutes before the rain, and you see these really dark, menacing clouds quickly build. Then it rains like you wouldn't believe, for about half an hour, leaving behind lakes and promoting the spread of typhoid, malaria, and this mysterious "fever" which all Indians seem to have this time of year...

Lake after the rain...this is literally after only half and hour....

No post for a while. Sorry 'bout that.

I think with the combination of half-yelling all day in order to be heard by classes of 35 eight-year-olds and the extreme differences in temperature between outside and A/C, I'm developing nodes on my vocal chords.

However, I AM enjoying teaching to the children. It's definitely a challenge, but but one that I embrace. After another four or so months (yes, I've been here almost a month now!!), I really hope to have made a difference. Everyone keep your fingers crossed...and I mean EVERYONE!

Oh. This means that I have to tell everyone that I'm using the A/C regularly these days. I turned it on one day, and it was sooooo nice that I decided I could no longer sustain my masochism. It's so heavenly. SO heavenly. What a luxury not to wake up drenched in sweat. It really is.

My birthday is tomorrow. Every child in school knows about this, somehow. All day today, they've been shaking my hand and saying, "At once, happy birthday!!" Apparently this means, "Congratulations, it's your birthday tomorrow!" Don't ask me how "at once" was derived, because I honestly have no idea.

An important thing about which you must know the difference. Let me educate you.

Cow=white, bony animal

Water buffalo= black, bony animals with horns

Don't mess it up, or you WILL be corrected. Every day, the cows and water buffalo are taken to pasture, and then in the evening, they return and are given a bath. Just like children. The buffalo might be more important than the children, actually.... I take a bus to the other children's home, Butterfly Hill, every Friday, and the bus is always held up by myriad herds of cows and buffalo. "Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk," goes the bus. Does this affect the bovines at all? Of course not, except for perhaps slowing them down...

A few evenings ago, I took a long walk with a some girls to "tour" the countryside. They were quite excellent tour guides. They knew just enough English to warn me about the snakes in the rivers. I told them not to worry, that I wasn't about to set foot in any river (yes, Dad, I remember what you indefatigably warnings about the water here).

On the way back, walking through the tiny village (not the village to which I must bike...this village doesn't even have store), I saw half of my "students" and staff that work at Care and Share.

I ran into one of the women who works at the small boys' home, where I'm living. She invited me back to her home to meet her family....as I understood, there were about 5 adults and 3 kids living in two huts.

They made me sit down in the one chair they had. Sitting is a big deal here. Everywhere I go, somewhere stands up, or presents a chair to me, and forces me to sit. In most situations, it's quite awkward, because I'll be the only one sitting. It's a type of honor, I guess. Anyway, here I sit in a plastic chair in rural India, with about six people standing around me who don't speak a word of English. The baby started to cry when she saw me. I'm scary looking.

Soon, I was given the honor to view the little statues of Hindu gods that were housed in the cows' manger that was connected to the huts. I was channeling Jesus and Bethlehem as I stood admiring the Hindu gods in the manger.

A very interesting experience, indeed.

I am proud to say that I've survived my first intestinal bug, and hopefully my last?? Thank you, Herman Hesse and Pepto Bismol for helping me through this harrowing experience.

I would like to start a dictionary of the Telugu I know. It's the language spoken here--many of the locals don't even speak Hindi (the "official" language of India). India has 22 "scheduled" languages spoken--crazy, right? I gotta give these kids props, though, they learn Telugu, Hindi, and English (that's three languages!) concurrently starting in kindergarten. I think most classes for older kids are in English, though.

Hindi Alphabet

Telugu alphabet --it's really different!

Anyway, so my dictionary is, thus far (spelled phonetically, of course):

Ni par en ti? What is your name?

Na per u Zoe. My name is Zoe

Ba gu na va? How are you?

Ba gu na nu. I'm fine.

Man chi ga undu! Be Good! (I try to use this actually make the kids be good. Mostly they just think it's hilarious that I'm trying to speak Telugu.)

Ku cho! Sit down!

Aca Sister

Boma Doll (some of the older girls call me this...at first I thought they were trying to call me "mama.")

I'm on my way to becoming fluent in an absolutely useless language. I think I speak more Telugu than I do German at this point.

Variations of the name "Zoe":

-Zooey

-Z

-Zoo

-Joey

-Joe

But never Zoe, hahaha!

The flies may drive me mad one of these days. They're not normal flies. They're giant, mutant ultra-pests. And they're everywhere. I was expecting mosquitoes, which don't seem to be so prevalent, so I suppose the flies are better.

What else has been happening....

Went to a Christian wedding, which was probably the most hilarious thing ever. Gold lame abound, and Jesus wore a lei. I did, however, get to eat ice cream at the reception, which made terrible organist and choir and two hour ceremony worth it.

I received the "time table" of classes I will be teaching--and it's quite a full schedule.

English: 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th grades

Science: 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th grades

My music class will be taught to 7th, 8th, 9th classes (about 100 kids!) as a two-hour Powerpoint presentation once a week. I'm also to give a presentation on Oregon at some point, so please send me suggestions!!

I'm going to put together a project organizing data from the children and babies with HIV. This is one of the saddest things about being here. There are three small babies here right now with HIV. I was talking to the Indian doctor that visits the campus twice a week, and he told me that, even with the drugs available today, these babies only have about a 50% chance of making it to adulthood.

The method of education here is not so great. Everything is taught by rote, and the state-wide tests administered come directly from these texts. None of the children learn to think critically and answer questions themselves, as they are simply copying the answer that the teacher writes. I attempted to have 13-year-olds write full sentences to answer simple reading comprehension questions. It was somewhat of a disaster.... I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'll have to figure out some hybrid method. The textbooks are another problem. Every single page of the English textbooks has several grammar mistakes. They're probably not worse than those mistakes that an at American would make when writing, but....for a textbook this really isn't acceptable. But I must work with what I have!

I am so desperate for exercise that I am playing football (soccer) with the boys. The 9 and 10 year boys with whom I play are way, way better than me, and I think they just let me pretend to play because they want to see the awkward, tall white girl make a fool out of herself...but I'm okay with this.

I am hard at work putting together a Photobucket album, such that people can see my photos more easily. It's taking forever to upload, but I will post the link when it's done!

The small boys are learning the concept of "family." Despite the fact that the always call me "mommy," I'm not really sure they know what that means. They have these little textbooks, and to introduce the concept of mother and father:

Father earns money.

Mother cooks food.

Whatttttt. Not cool. This makes me want to abandon all notions of domesticity.

Visit to the slums. Give milk to children. Eat lots. Wash hands lots. It's what I do.

I've decided that I would probably be really good at driving here, because it's a lot like Grand Theft Auto (the video game, for those who don't know), and I'm really, really good at GTA. It's actually kind of fun to drive in the front seat because you DO feel like you're in a video game. The rules of driving, as I've deduced, are:

#1: Instead of driving to one side or the other of the dotted lines, straddle them and drive down the middle of the road. Go to one side after several honks if some idiot won't get our of your way.

#2: Go ahead and pass with oncoming traffic about to hit you. They won't really hit you. It's just a game of chicken. And you'll win, obviously.

#3: Honk at the trucks with the signs that say "please sound horn please" (literally, EVERY truck has this phrase written on the back of it). Also, honk at everything else that moves.

#4: Honk especially loudly at the cows. Because they really care.

#5: At a red light, slow down ONLY if you're in a fanciful mood to do such a silly thing.

On a serious note, though, just as we were talking about how scary the driving is here, we saw a pedestrian who had been hit by a car in Vijayawada. There was a group of people crowded around him, holding him up. Blood was everywhere. It was an awful image, and not one I'll soon forget.

I bought toffees for the small boys, but decided that they would probably annoy me to no end if I started giving them sweets so soon, so have instead been eating them myself. Did I subconsciously by a pound of toffees for myself? .....Do I really need to answer that question?

I biked to the village by the orphanage today--about a 20 minute bike ride. My new bike, Hercules, is no Pegasus, my Portland bike (whom I miss dearly--yes I refer to my bike an animate object) but Herculean all the same. On the way, I was almost hit by an angry water buffalo, so I'm not sure how long my Indian cycling career will be. I'm more afraid of angry water buffalos than "please sound horn please" trucks.

India is something you experience with all of your senses. As if there weren't enough to absorb visually, there are loud sounds and music coming at you from every direction. And the smells--the smells... There are some good smells--wafting aromas of sweets, ripe fruit, breads, and corn on the cob. But, there are bad smells, and these bad smells I try not to linger on. I'm still trying to take it all in, and it's still rather bewildering.

Also, there's no recycling, and every time I throw away a water bottle, the Oregonian in me wants to cry a little bit. Or a lot.

I start teaching my music class on Monday! Bringing classical music to the masses--whether they want it or not. Muahahahaha.

Updated Facebook photo album a few days ago. I'm still having a hard time posting photos to here--sorry about that!

I think I have perhaps finally adjusted to the time change. Last night, I slept the whole night through for the first time--I still woke up at 6 on a Sunday morning, before even the small boys. Cankle update--GONE--now just ankles!! I never thought my ankles would look so skinny again in my life (although now they are covered in mosquito bites...).

Yesterday we went into the town of Vijayawada, which is about 15 km away. There's a closer village, the name of which I may never be able to pronounce, about 15 minutes away by bike, but Vijayawada is the "city." This is what I thought India would look like. After hearing again and again about the cows in India, and how they stand in the middle of the road in cities, it was still very shocking to see a cow amidst the traffic and hordes of people. I saw my life flash before my eyes a few times just in the short distance that we walked; the reckless auto-rickshaw drivers seemingly have no concept of human life. I can see what India has the highest deaths per capita from car accidents...

I spent some more time with the small boys yesterday again. I can't get over how cute they are!! They have "homework," and all are very eager to show me all the English they know, and perhaps get a little loud competing to read me their school books. My skin is becoming less of a novelty, but is still plenty amusing.

The children love to have pictures taken of them and love even more to take pictures!! In exchange for being able to take a few pictures, I was given friendship bracelets. I told them that I used to make the exact same friendship bracelets when I was just their age. Some things are universal, I suppose.

It rained all day yesterday--apparently it hasn't rained like that for a few years. How fitting that and Oregonian would bring the rain.

Picture time!

The School

The small boys' home, where I'm living

OK... putting pictures up is a major headache, and after multiple attempts to get something faster to work, I've sold out and created a Facebook album. If you'd like to see pictures and don't have Facebook, email me (gombartz@gmail.com), and I will "share" the album with you on Facebook....it just won't let me share it with a website.

And the cankles persist. Yes, a little better than when I first arrived....perhaps I only look like I'm 200 lbs overweight today. The number of Aquafina bottles I've consumed in the last few days is substantial, but apparently not enough.

Did you know that it's Saturday here? I left on Tuesday, so I was pretty sure it was Wednesday... or something. Saturday really threw me for a loop. I had another extended nap today....but in my defense, I had only planned to rest for a half hour. Ergo, I am awake (again) at 2:40 am.

Was getting very frustrated trying to upload pics on my slightly shotty internet connection in my room, so I may have to go to the office in order to take advantage of full bandwidth. I'll try to do that soon!

So, the basic set up. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner is prepared for us. I now have no hopes of returning from India any skinnier, as the food is delicious, parasite-free, and definitely not lacking in calories. I wouldn't be surprised if I instead returned very fat. It would be easy enough to contract a parasite, somewhere....

I live in one of the small boys' homes--they're 4-6 and so cute (although sometimes naughty) and affectionate! I was put here, essentially, to speak English to them, as they only get a little bit of English in school at this point.

Let me tell you, I'm very popular with the small boys--somewhat of a celebrity, I should say. They don't know much English, and mostly just babble animatedly at me, but they do know enough to ask me what my name is and call me "Mommy" (I watched Monsters, Inc. with them, and apparently they know the name for monster, as well....so they've got the basics covered). When they first saw me, they just stared, but now most of them have gotten brazen enough to crawl all over me. My skin is quite peculiar to them. They love to touch my face--I wonder if they think I'm real! One boy grabbed my hand and studied it intensely. He pointed at the skin on the underneath my forearm (the realllllly white stuff) and said "Oooooh!" Not to mention, I tower over most of the petite Indian women, so they probably think I'm some very white giant.

I toured the school where I'm to teach music. It's actually really well equipped! They have an assortment of random instruments....lots of drums, guitars without strings, a trumpet, clarinet, flutes, and even a keyboard! They also have a room equipped with wireless and speakers where I can play CDs, DVDs, and would be able to show video clips on the internet. It's a lot more than I was expecting.

I also visited the "dispensary" (the medical clinic) and the baby's home, where I'll be helping the nurses.

It's pretty hot and sticky right now, but I've still yet to turn on the air conditioning. I'll become acclimated...eventually....but right now I just sweat a lot all hours of the day.....

Five planes, 1 day and 20 hours, and 24 solid hours on a plane after I left Portland, I arrived in Vijayawada, India with the ankles of a 500 pound woman (I believe the kids these days call these "cankles," but I'm not sure yet how PC I'm trying to be on this blog). Thank you, high sodium food and pressurized cabins.

The flight(s) overall were rather uneventful, aside from the child who sat behind me during the 15 hour flight from Newark to Mumbai and wouldn't stop kicking the back of my seat for three hours. With 125 movies from which to choose for my viewing pleasure, though, my anger was somewhat quelled. Seriously, why do we need 125 movies?! I was a little overwhelmed. They served "Indian" vegetarian food for dinner and breakfast during the flight, and it was probably the best plane food I've ever eaten (despite its obvious contribution to the cankles).

I was greeted warmly by Carol Faison and other members of Care and Share in the tiiiiny airport of Vijayawada, and taken the short distance to the the childrens' homes. I was given a very brief tour, and told to go sleep. I didn't realize how tired I was until I woke up at 11 pm...after sleeping about nine hours.

I've not had a chance to see much of the compound, but so far everything seems very lovely. I have my own, secured room with a bathroom....with toilet and shower, a mini fridge, wireless internet and, get this, air conditioning!! I feel too lucky...I didn't even AC in Portland! Right now I don't have it on, as it's a "very, very cool" day (as I was told), and besides, I don't really feel like I'm in India if I'm using AC. I'll change my tune when it his the 100's, perhaps, but I'll try to be stubborn for as long as possible....

It's 1:30 am right now (12.5 hours ahead of you west coast people, fyi), and I'm unpacked and wide awake. So much for beating jet lag. I've taken a few not very exciting pictures picture of my room--will take more interesting ones when it's light outside!!

Ewwwwwww cankles. No, the Keens don't help anything.

Bathroom!!

My room--isn't it adorable?

They supply me with shampoo...it's supposed to "nourish dry, dull faded hair and make it shiny and looking black." This is legit. After one washing, my hair looks no blacker, nor does it look longer.